Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hot Biscuit Alert

It's no secret that I do enjoy lusting after older women. Older yes, geriatric no. Long time readers may remember some ridiculous post in which I may have referred to Bea Arthur as a "sex symbol." This of course was meant to be more funny then serious. I suppose it's a joke until someone can produce a photo of her before she turned 60. Then we will let the readers decide via poll if she is a "hot biscuit."

It has recently been brought to my attention, this afternoon being recently, that some of my posts may err on the side of misogynistic. In addition, it has also been suggested that I may be more abrasive in text then I am in person (see Wizard of Oz curtain effect). I will agree that yes, that are differences between the digital Garrett and the organic Garrett. It is internationally accepted that I am much better looking in the flesh than on text. This is irrefutable. I suppose what I need from the readership that knows me is for people to step up and either substantiate or dismiss the allegation.

1) Am I as offensive in real life as I am on this blog?
2) To any female readers that have befriended me throughout my life, am I misogynistic? (I would love if any of my ex-special lady friends would step forward and speak out.)

The only way this can be determined is by logging in and leaving a "comment."

This brings us, in a seamless segue none the less, to Valeria Bertinelli. I'm not old enough to know what movies she was in. To be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure if she is famous for making movies. I do know one thing for sure. I want to nail Valeria Bertinelli, there I said it.

Hot indeed, though looking a bit like Paula Abdul in this photo. Since her mouth is closed, in her defense, I can only assume that she isn't spattering forth hallucinogenic induced verbal garbage that Abdul would claim as useful American Idol commentary.

Now that Eddie Van Halen is out of the picture, it's just a matter of time before I procure this modern day Mrs. Robinson. (She will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine)


sarah said...

oh dirty disgusting pig...i love ya don't change a thing. I think people call you crude and such because they don't quite get it. You are just trying to be funny most of the's nothing personal against women or midgets or horse rapists, etc. it's just that jokes, although some have a pinky toe on the line, about certain things are HILARIOUS! And it's ok to giggle when some one says something like "do your women's hockey shoulder pads come onto your chest?"!! Yes they do...and i enjoy it! See it's fun! Please don't ever grow up and lose're not always crude, it's just a f'd up sense of humor and I love it!

Melissa said...

I would say the only way you are offensive in person is hygienically. As I said before, do not start censoring yourself now if you're serious about becoming an author. Let everyone see your skeletons now so there's no surprises later!
I agree with Sarah above, I explain to other's that our family has a "f'ed up sense of humor" usually to cover my tracks before I make them!

Pa! said...

Ya know what is really wrong with people today? They take everything WAY TOO seriously.
As your mama, I know more than anyone, the respect and love you have for women. It be in g-f's (who you stay friends w/even after the B.U, doesn't that speak volumes?) to elders, (all folks, for that matter.)
You are doing everything just as we had hoped....
we raised you to always think for yourself,...
don't be afraid to go against the grain, if you so desire...
and of course, to always laugh in life.
All of these things pretty evident in your writtings.
NEVER be afraid to be who you are, and don't let the judgement of others bring you down.
Be proud, be happy, and most importantly, be yourself.
It's all good stuff!
P.S~ and thanks for the hours of fun reading your humorious thoughts.

Pa! said...

Garrett the # is currently at 68945 at 9:05 am Saturday morning
You could be the coveted 69 thousandth member...You could then blog about it helping the freedom movement & in your case protecting your 1st amendment

Amanda said...

I don't recall you being misogynistic at all. I have no complains from when we were together. You've always treated me fantastic and made me feel wonderful about myself!!