Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Garrett's Top 5 destinations
1. Guiness Factory - Ireland
2. Southern Germany - For beers and such. Dachau was recommended unto us as well. And I love German accents.
3. London of course to snicker at the blokes with the queer accent. Cheeky buggers!
4. Amsterdam - Don't worry, I'm not going to do "H." Unless by "H" you mean hookers. Then, well, guilty as charged
5. Austria - "that's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?"
1. Not Amsterdam - Colette thinks I will do something stupid. She is probably right.
2. Italy - I heard Rome was dirty and consequently sucked ass. Florence I heard was badass, however.
3. Germany - Colette likes beer. She says it's good for her diabetes. This wiki was actually written with her in mind. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bierleichen
4. You know, honestly, if Colette strings more then 2 or 3 sentences in succession, I tend to dose off. I really can't remember what she said after #3 so I will finish for her.
5. Swedish hockey game and strip joint
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Now that we went over the healing powers of a road trip it is important to cover why man chooses the trip of the road.
Reason 1. The manifest destiny in all of us says, conquer new land, see new things, oppress new people. I say travel the road less ventured even if it is full of construction and pot holes and over priced SUV's.
Reason 2. Sometimes it is necessary to commute in order to make a dollar or two. I believe Confucius said this as he played drug mule to a couple of kilos of opium crossing China. Weather you drive a produce truck or you drive a car across the state line to make a buck, drive with dollar signs in your thoughts
Reason 3. For a piece of ass. Little to no explanation is needed here.
One reason is reason enough for a young chap to embark on a road trip. If a guy is lucky enough, he might be able to combine two out of the three reasons. Once in a lifetime, if he’s wicked lucky, will a young lad cash in on 3 out of 3. If this happens to be you, then the road trip gods are smiling upon you. I was once so lucky … ah the road trip of ’04.
Sadly, there was no ass at the end of this asphalt rainbow. Instead, a pro bono run was in order. Now before you call me Mother Theresa, I was rewarded with a small bounty for hauling lumber for the Amish (no, hauling lumber isn’t an Amish euphemism for gay sex). Laid haphazardly atop “little red’s” gaunt frame were various pieces of furniture. It was only 10 miles down the road before I encountered a situation that required my immediate attention. After the load was reassembled and secured, I meandered further but not without grieving a fallen comrade.
This is Footstool. Footstool was born in Rexford, Montana August 18th and died in Rexford,Montana August 25th. Even though Footstool lead a short life by traditional standards, his contributions to the advancement of human laziness will undoubtedly be never forgotten.
2007 - 2007
What the road trip lacked in abundant fiscal compensation it more then made up for in scenic beauty. I was able to take a route to Idaho I had never driven before. For those of you that haven’t been to
Here is a tale of the tape:
1. State geography physical features
Don't see the resemblance? A little handy work in Microsoft Paint should help you out.
On any given day the ladies in MT/ID are …
My road trip accolades are legendary and no expansive speech is necessary. Yet, in order to save the blog readers the suspense, I will go ahead and post comments I have received.
Some derelict living under a rock – “Hey man, I was at a bar where there were two NASCAR drivers talking about you and how you put in a 1251 mile day, by yourself, sans pit crew. They said something about aspiring to be a tenth of the athlete that you are. Is that true?!”
Me – “Yes it is 100% true on both accounts. I did put in a 1251 mile day. Do you not get network television? I thought everyone knew that. Second, NASCAR drivers are less then 10% the athlete I am.”
Next adoring fan please
Hot Swedish twins – “Hey it’s us. Is it true that you don’t listen to any radio whilst you road trip. You said, and to quote the Rolling Stone article I read about you, “I allow my mind to be unbridled by the annoyances of the outside world, namely talent less emo-rock. It is in this perfect Zen that I will harness the perfect material to yield the perfect blog.” Oh, and lastly, did you get the naked pictures we sent?”Me - "What most people don't understand is that I tend to enter this trance like state when I competitively drive (I also refer to it as both CLDT = Competitve Long Distance Travel or ERT = Extreme Road Tripping). The only thing that shakes me from this trance is vehicular malfunction, Panda Express and/or the culmination of the aforementioned road trip. And yes ladies, the pictures look fantastic. Tackar sa Mycket.
But again, I digress. What made this road trip fun/different was that I didn't have to drive to win. For once, I stopped to take in the sights. Here are some of the highlights of my trip.
Coming out of Missoula in the A.M, I nearly passed up this little gem. The only shame about this picture is I didn't man up and pull this prank when I was a young punk attending the University of Montana. Believe me. I thought about pulling this prank several times.
Seriously. It's pretty much a victimless crime. The best part is it only required a screwdriver, most likely a decent amount of alcohol and undoubtedly a big pair of nuts.