Wednesday, July 30, 2008

God Loves You ... Unless You're Gay :(

When it rains it pours. Only after a mere week had transpired after I completed the brilliant self-appreciating manifesto that took shape in the form of "If You Love it So Much Why Don't You Marry It?," I was sideswiped with something so amazing, I was unable to ignore it.

Normally when I see something funny I laugh out loud, smile and continue on downloading Valerie Bertenelli photos. Recently I was sent this amazing video.

Another classic!

Whether or not the second one is legit really doesn't matter. It has to do with an embarrassing body function and the clip clocks in at well under a minute.

But back to my main point. I was reading a blog about Hockey and recently an AHL team's has attempted to draw more attendance by offering Brett Farve a contract to play minor league Hockey. The team is from Des Moines and they are called the Iowa C.H.O.P.S. You know "chops," like the cut of meat? What the team didn't consider is that the acronym C.H.O.P.S is already taken by another group of people who go by the name Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People. Seriously, you can't make this up! So in the name of responsible journalism, I had to investigate.

I'm not exactly a marketing genius but "God Hates Fags! Love Gods Way!" wouldn't be the way I'd go about spreading's kind and nurturing word. Regardless of marketing technique, I clicked on the menu link that said simply "Gay?" I had always been wondering but could never afford the at home test so I thought what better time or place to find out then this lovely website. I read each question aloud carefully and allotted myself 1 minute per question (this wasn't their requirements but when in doubt I always revert back to SAT test taking protocol, which ironically, is pretty gay)

Q1. "Are you struggling with undesired same-sex attractions?"
A1. I don't struggle with my love of Steve Yzerman thank-you very much! Aside from that "No."

Q2. "Have you been a Homosexual for a long time, but now are searching for a way out?"
A2. Define "a long time."

Anyways, turns out I'm not gay which, I suppose, is mantastic!

Donnie Davies, who is featured on the "God Hates Fags! Love Gods Way!," is a "reformed homosexual." Donnie attended church where his father was an Anabaptist preacher but always felt uncomfortable there because he always had impure thoughts about boys from school. Then Donnie found Jesus and the rest is history

So in an effort to help others rid themselves of homosexuality, he has started a program called C.H.O.P.S. According to Davies, C.H.O.P.S will, I shit-you-not this is a direct quote, "help you lose those unwanted pounds and unwanted urges at the very same time! Just ask our celebrity successes!" Celebrity successes? Who Clay Aiken? Lance Bass? Oh wait, he's actually gay.

He goes onto talk about Oscar Wilde.

"Oscar Wilde, my hero, was a reformed homosexual. He went to prison for his sins. Once he was alone with his thoughts, in jail, he saw the errors of his ways and repented. He died as a Christian. While I'm not advocating jailing all Homosexuals, I do think it would benefit them greatly. It would be for their own good. When a person is forced to think they will
generally be able to see their problems and solve them by themselves."

Prison?!? The penal (pun most definitely intended) version of "Broke Back Mountain"? Is sending thousand's of men to small chambers completely devoid of women the best way to rid these guy's of their man-on-man orgy lustfests?

Leviticus 18:22 says "Though shall not lay with mankind , as with woman kind." But Leviticus failed to mention anything about piggy-back rides! (ZING!)

There is absolutely nothing "gay" about the above logo

Love God's Way takes it a step further by helping parents, ministers, youth leaders and teachers (yeah, could you see me making this phone call?) recognize homosexual behavior "before it's too late." The website lists "safe bands" such as 2008 chart topping acts like Cyndia Lauper, Blondie and Cheap Trick. For what it's worth, I'd place my last 20 dollars on the fact that the chorus of "I Want You to Want Me" was actually a conversation held between two pant-less gay men in a bathroom stall at SFO. On the list of "gay bands" were the absurd; Rolling Stones and Frank Sinatra - I'd wager these boys laid more carpet than Wilt Chamberlain. The questionable; Metallica - So now spearing blood and semen together and making it your album cover, appropriately titled "Load," makes you gay? And the obvious; Elton John - So you're one out of three. The site went as far as to put the "(really gay)" denotation next to EJ's name. What do you expect from a guy that wrote a song called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"?

But Davies is no stranger to song writing. Listen for yourself.

With a chorus like "God hates fag's, if your a fag he hates you too," it's just a matter of time before this little ditty tops the Christian music charts. Perhaps someone in the Christian know can help me to verify this groups veracity. They are judging others and threatening non-entry into heaven, so in the vein of organized religion, it seems pretty legit. All I know is that the singer's got some major league pipes and I'm sure more than once this week, this song will be stuck in my head.

I kind of feel bad for the guy because we all are entitled to our opinions no matter how off base others may think they are (present readings excluded). He claims Myspace deleted his account, he's received threatening hate mail and people have been calling him from untraceable numbers claiming to be the Postal Service with various packages needing to be delivered. This leaves us with the question, what's a formerly gay-boy, that now hates gay-boys, to do?

(Davies may be a hoax, btw)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Thank You

I often fail to verbalize to my parents how truly great they are to have as parents. Not only do they feed me exotic foods that I could never afford on my own such as meat, cheese and cereal they are a source of constant entertainment. Below is a Sears styled image we took in front a a picturesque photo studio backdrop. Just kidding. It's actually in front of Sylvan Lake in Libby, Montana (unbeknownst to us, a murder had taken place there only days previous). None the less it's absolutely beautiful as there were 9 moose frolicking in the distant background.

As far as the constant entertainment, you might be wondering, well here it is. Pa! finally mustered up the courage to step on the scale. He went upstairs only to drag the antediluvian scale downstairs because he thought he'd weigh less every inch closer to sea level. I suggested he try to weigh in on the moon but he didn't see the humor in that statement. He felt that his fighting weight may have slipped slightly beyond his normal featherweight status.

Watching him weigh in was quite comically. First he placed the weight at 180 and heard a hefty clunk from the balancer signaling he was no where near 180. "Damn. Thought it was worth a try." Then to the other extreme 230. "Oh, did you hear how loud that was?! At least I'm no where near 230!" The the slider is then pushed to the 200 mark, "Hmm, that was a little louder than I'd like to hear," he said. As the lead weight slid quickly past the 150, 175, 200lb mark, it became apparent that he'd breached several weight classes and wouldn't be challenging the svelte Sugar Ray Leonard to a bout anytime soon. After a couple more rounds of this game the final button-popping damage was accessed at 214.5 pounds; a mere Big Mac away from his all time best, or worst depending on perspective, weight of 217. Despite vehement opposition from me, Pa! also felt that every ounce counted and decided to fore go his undies at the official weigh in.

Pa! insisted I date this photo because "the next time you see me I'll look like Charles Atlas!"
(His words, definitely not mine)

So he's back to the Atkins "diet." He challenged me to a bet that he could lose 14.5 by Sept 2 (Campaign for Liberty convention in Minneapolis). I declined because, as much as I'd like to see him lose the weight, I know I won't be in Montana to tempt him with delicious Amish made pastries.

I mean how can you not laugh when you see shit like this on a startlingly frequent basis?!

Anyways, Ma and Pa!, thank-you for getting drunk and not having the self control pull out that blustering day in 1980. In addition, thanks for not aborting me 9 and a half months later even though you talked about it and, in retrospect, I bet there were days you wish you had opted for the ole' Irish scoop and toss. I appreciate my life. No matter where in the world I am at any given moment, I always look forward to the days when I can come back to Montana and be with you guys!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?

… was the statement uttered previously. “I’ll show them,” was what I muttered to myself as I racked my brain for the best way to express myself via marital vows to my lovely Summer Wheat Ale. I’ve talked a lot of shit on this blog about lambasting the ignorant, the obese, and American Idol (does anyone know if Reuben Stoddard is ignorant? I know he's an American Idol and obese but I want to know if he completes the tri-fecta). I’m not as negative as most of my blogs depict. I would like to touch on some items that, for lack of a less crude euphemism, “make my clam quiver (sorry Juggs, couldn’t resist :))”. In no particular order, I presenteth to you RMAURTIGTTNSI's "Stuff That Blows My Asshole Out"

Warning: This blog is very lenghty. It is the "blue steele" of blogs. I actually probably shouldn't talking about it. To appease the conservatives and to maintain the blogs journalist integrity, I've decide to give each blog a "belligerence barometer." Today we are dealing with a level 9. This posts daily forecast is heavy in sexual suggestion with a chance of blasphemy.

Led Zeppelin
– My friends are always telling me about how great the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Miley Cyrus are. But at the end of the day, they all bow in inferiority to the almighty Led Zeppelin.

A quick recap; LZ sold over 300 million records worldwide, has the most requested FM song “Stairway to Heaven,” and isn’t entrenched in an embarrassing death-knell cleverly disguised as a lucrative world tour (Rolling Stones).

Most casual FM listeners, I suppose now more accurately usurped by XM, are familiar with Zeppelin’s tried-and-true radio classics such as “Heartbreaker,” “Black Dog,” “The Ocean.” I challenge this alleged “casual listener” to delve deeper into the music breadth that is the Led Zeppelin catalog. Originally slated as a heavy metal group, Zeppelin has something for everybody . Here are some of my favorite off-the-beaten-path tunes by LZ.

“Since I’ve Been Loving You” – “The Rain Song” – “In My Time of Dying” – “I Can’t Quit You Babe” – “Thank You” – “Your Time is Gonna Come”

Is it me or does Jimmy Page look as though he has been injected with old man Asian genes?

How Fucked Up Other People Are – So you are probably thinking to yourself, “Hey Garrett, it has to be pretty cold atop your ivory tower this time of year.” It’s true that the winds are quite brisk but I’m not talking about normal everyday dysfunction such as eating disorders, schizophrenia or erectile dysfunction. I’m talking about severe lack of common sense. (Is it me or does it seem that Jerry Springer has passed on the proverbial reigns of the dysfunction sleigh to Dr. Phil?). In an effort to “keep up with the Jones’, people have procured bloated mortgages for Mcman$$ions that they could barely afford during times of prosper. Is it a sign that we are heading toward bad times when Ed McMann, the fellow who made a living handing out million dollar Publisher's Clearing House checks, may now file for bankruptcy?

In a related story, Webster's dictionary is now revising it's definition of the word "irony." Now a slight pinch in finance has lead these people to throw their arms up and start blaming the lending institutions that forced them to take out these mammoth loans ( I guess the sick satisfaction that I derive comes from the judgmental stares I’ve taken over the years because rigs that I drove, while being bought and paid for with cash, weren’t new and shiny, and most likely spotted immobile on the side of the road.

I feel it’s worth mentioning that our quality of life in majority supersedes that of the earth's other 6 billion inhabitants. Yeah, I know fellow American’s, believe it or not there are other people on this planet besides ourselves. Ok, so gas will become 5 dollars a gallon. Big deal. We’ve enjoyed many years of inexpensive fuel. Some of us will have to use public transportation or, gasp, getting off our collective fat ass to ride a bike. Maybe you will have to make a small sacrifice. Maybe your Ford Expedition, bought on credit most likely, may have been a slight over kill for a baby seat. Or maybe you’ll have to go without your morning grande latte. It could be worse; you could have had a rotten day, year, or possibly life that lead up to this:

I believe this sums it up best

“You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande late
You are not the car your drive
You are not your fucking khakis”

- Tyler Durden “Fight Club”

My Old 1980 BMW 320i – I lusted after that that rig like a priest lusts after 12-year-old boys. Nice curves, quiet when it needed to be and loud when you really laid into it.

Good Friends - I always feel at home with my boys (and girls) when I can be myself sans self-induced censorship. Anytime I can start a sentence with "So I'm balls deep in this girl and ..."without raising eyebrow's from the present company, I know I'm amongst solid folks.

Good friends also help you out in a pinch. I'm talking about the friends you would call and say the following; "Hey, the warden says I've got 45 seconds. I'm in Tijuana, in jail, and potentially have chlamydia. I need your help." Without hesitation, or questioning, they respond, "I'll be there."

Playboy – And now for the perfunctory smart-ass quip, “So let me guess, you read it for the articles?” Yeah, Dickhead I do. More often than not, it’s the bible thumper or just the plain ill-educated that passes judgment of such. I wouldn’t expect anything less . Isn’t that what organized religion is all about?

“(Insert name here) wasn’t in church on Sunday, I’ve been here 25 straight weeks, therefore I’m a better devotee/follower/minion/indentured servant/sheeple.” That’s where it starts and ends for me.

But I digress. Nothing makes me happier then opening up the mailbox and seeing that glossy black bag starting right back into my sinful eyes. For those of you who haven’t read an issue before passing judgment, Playboy happens to be a very well written publication that just so happens to have naked women in it. Without equivocation my two favorite sections are “Raw Data” and “The Advisor.” If you ever had a bad day and wanted to feel “normal,” look no further than “The Advisor.”

“A reader asked in February if there was a way to make his girlfriend’s nipples larger. You said no; he must “play what’s dealt.” That is incorrect. I have used nipple suction for more than two years, and the suction cups do enlarge nipples. Start slow with 15-minute session twice a week. Now I can go three hours. When the cups are removed, touching my enlarged nipples cause exquisite pleasure.”

- J.L., Pomona, California

Some women say that it sets unrealistic expectations because the centerfolds list themselves as 110 or 115 pounds. This is obviously a farce because no one, well at least no one in this country, has weighed 110 pounds since the 7th grade.

Then there is the question about whether or not it is pornography. A female friend of mine said that Playboy is hard-core porn because she "saw a picture of a girl sticking a finger inside of herself." I've been a subscriber for many years and, with zero hesitation none the less, can say I have never seen a woman finger bang herself. Would some long time readers step forth and back me up?

“The Nature Piss” – In my preliminary research for my move to Asia, I wasn’t concerned about the language barrier or the exposure to different foods, it was the knowledge that taking a nature piss in populous dense Asia would most likely result in a golden shower to an unlikely pedestrian and/or possible imprisonment. For you urbanites or women folk not in the know, a nature piss is when you have to micturate but don’t really want to go through all of the labor of waddling to the toilet and lifting up the seat. Not only that but you have to contend with the aim issue. Instead, you make your way to the front door of your house, trailer, Super 8, or Pinto (essentially where you woke up from the night before), drop trow (extra points if the bottom of your butt cheeks are visible) and let loose a steady stream of urine.

Imagine this if you will. It’s early in the morning, say 9:30. You roll out of bed and lumber your way leisurely out to the deck lightly clad in only your panties. A fresh blanket of snow envelops the earth where grass was displayed prominently only hours before. The harsh snarl of the lowly tempered morning air reminds you that winter is in no hurry to make a hasty exodus. There you stand, alone, completely unbridled by the stresses of your modern day life. As you spew forth a robust stream of urine, you appreciate the way the steam dances off of it and eventually makes its way into the atmosphere. The stealthy Chinook winds remind you of its capable power by gingerly tickling your testicles …..

Now doesn’t that sound nice?

Pornography - Right now I'm really into Asian porn but I have been testing the German porn waters. I love the extra attention the producers pay towards story line, character development and scene transitions.

Satisfying Bowel Movement - I'm not sure if this one is because I am getting older, or because of my ultra sensitivity when it comes to low fiber or diminished hydration, but laboring to drop a deuce has to be one of the more humbling experiences a human can endure. After eating cheese and bread for a week in France, I've determined Ed Hilary has nothing on me. Of course, quality of boom-booms are very subjective and very personal.

I don't like to wait on a shit. I feel it impedes the progress of my day. To me, there are few things finer than waking up in the morning, dropping trow, and releasing forth the previous evenings' supper. A slight sweat is desirable because I feel it gets the endorphins pumping and prepares me for the rigors that are every day living. However, one of the worlds all time lows would be having "mud-butt" and having to run towards a shitter. It's worry, terror, and panic all rolled into one. So basically the 2008 Presidential Election.

Internet – In a dollar-to-minute comparison, there is no better time wasting endeavor than the Internet. For instance, I think there are few things finer than a woman with a German accent. On the other hand, I have an insatiable thirst for well-crafted pornography. Now where else could I get that, not only on a weekday, but within an hour?

Wikipedia is proof that God wants me to spend the rest of my life in front of a computer screen. Not only does it squelch my insatiable hunger for information about remote islands, it’s very good at settling bets. For instance, before Wikipedia, what did people do if they needed to know immediately how many "movies" Linda Lovelace was in?

Aside from that, I suppose the Internet is used for more productive activities such as online gambling and perusing Craiglist’s “Casual Encounters” section. If it weren’t for the Internet, you wouldn’t be reading this blog! Even if this blog isn’t worth the discs the 1’s and 0’s it’s magnetically stored on.

Hockey – I love everything about it. I love taking a wrister from the top of the circle and banking it in off the post. I love watching someone else taking a wrister from the top of the circle and banking it in off the post. I will even go as far as liking someone talking about hearing about someone else taking a wrister from the top of the circle and banking it in off the post. There isn’t another sport on this planet that combines the athleticism, toughness and intensity that Hockey brings to the table. Most people’s favorite day of the year is something stupid like Thanksgiving, Easter or Christmas. For me, however, it doesn’t get any better than the open day of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. As far as sounds go, besides the sound of my own voice of course, there is nothing more beautiful than the sound of a puck hitting a goal post.

Beer –Unless you are a brew master, but probability points more towards raging alcoholic than anything, you probably weren’t aware of the fact that beer only became recently hopped within the last 500 years. The British hopped the beer before the journey to the colonies because of its preservation qualities. Perhaps the Brits should have brought a tube of toothpaste in an effort to preserve their teeth. Anyways, besides its fascinating origin, beer is so much more than a great babysitter. It’s a social lubricator and a poor-decision enabler.

Ghohn's Top Beers
1. Chimay Trappist Ale (Belgium)
2. Westmalle Dubbel Ale (Belgium)
3. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (California)
4. Big Sky's Summer Honey (Montana)
5. Henry Winehards Summer Wheat Ale (Portland)
6. Kona's Pipeline Porter (Kona, HI, unless you're on the mainland then it's Woodinville, WA)
7. Great Northern's Wild Huckleberry Wheat Lager - (Montana)
8. Widmer Hefeweizen (Portland)

If you’re sick of beer at the moment, I’d recommend trying a Manhattan.

New Pair of Socks – They smell so good and are so soft.

Beach Volleyball - There were long nights when I'd look around thinking, am I really doing this.? Am I really here, as I looked around the court taking in the bevy of sights that were sand below my feet, ocean to my right and hot bikini-clad ass every which way. We'd play ball until the wee hours. Well, we played ball until they shut off the lights at 9 p.m, which in Maui, constitutes the wee hours. I forged many a friendship on those courts; and after watching my father play, realized I would be able to play volleyball poorly well into my 40's.

Not Working
- It's fantastic. I'd recommend everyone try it at least once in their life for an extended period of time.

Mexican Food - I don't understand why Mexicas are jumping over the border to get to American. They have the best food!!! All we have is hot dogs, mac and cheese and Crisco. The following is a list of the most amazing Mexican I have had; (from most amazing to lesser amazingness)

1. El Diablo Taco (Missoula, MT) - Fish Burrito con Gorgonzola y Cilantro!

2. Costa Vida (only a few location but I "popped my cherry" at the Boise, ID location) - Sweet Pork Enchilladas

3. Taco Del Sol (Missoula, MT + Kalispell, MT) - Fish Taco or Burrito, though they have raised their prices considerably since "back in the day."

4. Cha! Cha! Cha!, Portland, OR - Consistantly tried and true and all for 4.50!

Assholes getting whats coming to them.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

For your consideration ...

It looks as though the (m)asses have spoken and to nobody's suprise, they need more cowbell!

Just to let everyone know that I have catalogued a bunch of pictures I have taken over the last couple of years. They include my tenure in Hawaii as well as my European travels.

In addition, in the "links" section, I've include some helpful resources that you might enjoy. Auf Wiedersehen!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hot Biscuit Alert

It's no secret that I do enjoy lusting after older women. Older yes, geriatric no. Long time readers may remember some ridiculous post in which I may have referred to Bea Arthur as a "sex symbol." This of course was meant to be more funny then serious. I suppose it's a joke until someone can produce a photo of her before she turned 60. Then we will let the readers decide via poll if she is a "hot biscuit."

It has recently been brought to my attention, this afternoon being recently, that some of my posts may err on the side of misogynistic. In addition, it has also been suggested that I may be more abrasive in text then I am in person (see Wizard of Oz curtain effect). I will agree that yes, that are differences between the digital Garrett and the organic Garrett. It is internationally accepted that I am much better looking in the flesh than on text. This is irrefutable. I suppose what I need from the readership that knows me is for people to step up and either substantiate or dismiss the allegation.

1) Am I as offensive in real life as I am on this blog?
2) To any female readers that have befriended me throughout my life, am I misogynistic? (I would love if any of my ex-special lady friends would step forward and speak out.)

The only way this can be determined is by logging in and leaving a "comment."

This brings us, in a seamless segue none the less, to Valeria Bertinelli. I'm not old enough to know what movies she was in. To be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure if she is famous for making movies. I do know one thing for sure. I want to nail Valeria Bertinelli, there I said it.

Hot indeed, though looking a bit like Paula Abdul in this photo. Since her mouth is closed, in her defense, I can only assume that she isn't spattering forth hallucinogenic induced verbal garbage that Abdul would claim as useful American Idol commentary.

Now that Eddie Van Halen is out of the picture, it's just a matter of time before I procure this modern day Mrs. Robinson. (She will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine)

Thursday, July 3, 2008

If Jesus homebrewed.

At the risk of placing myself in harms way of "opinion persecution (close cousin to "religious persecution" though no one dies)," I can't stop with the religious posts. It's like that ultra wasted homeless person you see on the sidewalk that you can't pull your eyes off of. Yes you've seen drunker individuals but you've never seen a drunker individual with fewer teeth.

Speaking of public drunkenness, for anyone that hasn't visited the Northwest, you are missing out on some great beers. In fact, Oregon, Washington, Vermont and Montana are the 4 states that have more than 20 microbreweries per 1 million people. Is it coincidental that I have resided in three-quarter of those states?

So how did we become upon this wonderful swill? It just so happens that I was doing some light reading and stumbled upon a book entitled "The Bible: Cliffnoted version for Men." It basically covered all the cool parts like war, torture, booze and lustful women in a compact 88 page bathroom read. Did you think Eve's tree leaf was the only garment she had to wear? Much like modern women of today, she had closets full of garments she never wore! She only adorned the leaf because she knew it made for a bitchin' stripper's outfit.

For those not in the know, Jesus was on the business-end of many a great miracle. His impressive resume includes walking on water, turning water into wine, and perhaps most impressive, turning wine into wine coolers. Perhaps the biggest miracle of them all was the delicious, bubbly concoction he came up with which he referred to as "Beer." What's that? Can't find that part in your bible? He wanted to keep that on the down-low. He figured if the wrong people found out about how great his idea was he'd wind up pinned to a cross somewhere.

Talk about name brand recognition! Jesus actually has his own beer!

Though Jesus, the son of God, would most likely have access to the best beers of the world at the time, everyone knows that Jerusalem wasn't necessarily the hot-bed of micro brewing. Since grapes were a-plenty in the region, he reverted back to imbibing vino and banging wine guzzling Art majors by the dozens.

Reasons Why Beer is Better then Religion
(Someone far smarter than I came up with the list below)

  1. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
  2. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
  3. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
  4. Beer has never caused a major war.
  5. Beer is useful when you're down
  6. Beer has been helping ugly people get laid for ages
  7. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.
  8. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
  9. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
  10. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured for his brand of Beer.
  11. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
  12. You can prove you have a Beer.
  13. Beer is useful: You can drink it.
  14. A beer, drunk properly, is a social winner.
  15. You can switch your brand of beer whenever you want without losing beer-drinking friends.
  16. Beer helps you enjoy life, religion reminds you how shit people are.
  17. Beer is a social lubricant, religion is a social inhabitant
  18. Beer was instrumental in the formation of the American constitution. All but one of the people who signed the original constitution were brewers - the other was a malter.
If Jesus was alive today, he'd strike me as a PBR kind-of-guy.

"Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy" - Ben Franklin

More God/Jesus humor; the "Stuff God Hate's" blog. This guy is hilarious!

"Today I would like to talk about something I feel very, very strongly about - My deep and abiding hatred for women. Now don’t get Me wrong! I’m not a gay. Far from it. I’ve been a poon-hound ever since I first created poon. I get as much as I want, whenever I want."

- God from "Stuff God Hate's" blog on Women #7 on his list.