Tuesday, January 29, 2008

60 is the new 18

I've always harbored a love for good looking older women. It's pretty impressive when a women can keep from falling apart at the hinges through the body wrecking catastrophe that is pregnancy. I think it really started when I was 21 and I had a 42 year old hottie of a landlord named Kathy. She was married and I was a lonely little college student dreaming of the day in which she would come over to my house, well her house, just to see me instead of doing some mundane repair in her skimpy shorts and tight shirt. Tease.

Martha Stewart
Age: 66
Claim to fame: Can cook and make crafty household items.
Sex appeal: Not only did she served a 5 month prison sentence but could potentially prepare prime rib to satisfy post-coital hunger.

Farah Fawcett
Age: 61
Claim to fame: Actress
Sex Appeal: Was on the cover of Playboy “back in the day.” Knowing that several thousand 13 year old boys have jerked it to your photo has got to be about as unnerving as knowing you were the guy that told Hitler, “hey, Adolf! You're pretty good at this politics thing. Have you ever thought about running for office?”

Goldie Hawn
Age: 61
Claim to fame: Birthed that hot little biscuit of a daughter Kate Hudson.
Sex appeal: Not really sure where on this one. I've been told she is sexy but I'm having a hard time seeing it. Could really do without those nasty Ball Park Frank hot dog lips.

Florence Henderson
Age: 73
Claim to fame: Mom from "Brady Bunch"
Sex Appeal: Managed to stay thin after three grueling television pregnancies. The cruel irony of the situation is, while Carol was lusting for Mike Brady on the show, Mike most likely had a raging boner with Peter's name on it!

Honorable mention goes to Beatrice Arthur. B.Arthur sports robust sex appeal built into that rugged 6 foot frame coupled with a sultry smokers rasp. They don't built em' like pre-Great Depression Dorothy anymore. She has been excluded from the poll solely because of her age (she might not be alive long enough to see the results of this poll.) It's not because she isn't sexy enough because I'm sure there is still plenty of tread left on those 85 year old tires.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Friday, January 18, 2008

I've seriously got nothing to write about

All it takes to achieve the James Dean look is a little black and white filter, travel with someone who is incredibly annoying (not Colette but the Iti/Canuck guy), and be on the cusp of sea-induced vomiting.

So I was digging through my mother's computer looking for god knows what and I stumbled across this gem.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Cleaning out the closet

Maui sunset - Kiehi, Maui, HI
Maui sunset - Kiehi, Maui, HI
Iao Valley, Maui, Hi

Ever wonder what the view from an 8 million dollar condo looks like?

(Another post from the vault)
I know you have. Here it is. In the distance is Molokini crater home of some of the best snorkeling in the world. Behind Molokini is the unused island of Kaaholawe

Settin' ye ole 8 million dollar view's table

Something else eh?

Monday, January 14, 2008

Who is the better actor?

I don't have strong feelings regarding this subject but you have to figure that Leonardo Dicaprio and Johnny Depp have to be in the upper echelon of actors currently working today. Who do you think is the better actor and why? Use the "comments" section to sound off.

Films from each actor

Jonny Depp
Pirates of the Caribbean
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Edward Scisscorhands
Whats eating Gilbert Grape

Leonardo Dicaprio
The Departed
Blood Diamond
Catch Me If You Can
The Man in the Iron Mask
Whats eating Gilbert Grape

Friday, January 4, 2008

Hugh Grant, Jude Law and the price of tea in China.

Ugh. It's the kiss of death. Every time I put up a poll I end up picking the losing side. Mallard, my sister, and I were entranced in a heated debate. Cold mountain was the movie and the issue regarded who was the bigger "English twat/bitch," Jude Law or Hugh Grant. I felt this was a clear cut issue. Imagine this pro/con list playing out in my head while Mallard entered into a litanous (yes, not technically a word ... yet - derived from the root "litany") rage.

Pro (not a twat) - Hugh Grant
1. Has starred in a obsorbanently high number of chick flicks - Ordinarily, this would be considered a con but if you had to make 10 shitty chick-flick orientated movies to have sex with Elizabeth Hurley, you would. If you want to make an omelet, you're gonna have to break a couple of eggs.
2. Had sex with Elizabeth Hurley

Con (full fledged, 100% USDA grade A twat) - Jude Law
1. Was killed by Matt Damon's weird-ass character in "Talented Mr. Ripley." Come on Jude, man up. Everyone knows that Damon didn't summon ass-kicking abilities until Bourne Supremacy.
2. Broke his rib in a fight scene with Matt Damon in a tiny boat in "Talented Mr. Ripley"
3. Is a high school dropout.
4. Has smug smile. I don't like smug smiles.

Regardless, it's nice to see people voting even if, sadly, my feelings represent only the minority.

By now it should be pretty apparent that I am quite easily entertained. While I am obdurate in my sentiment, it is always nice to come across a new product or idea, obsess over it for a month or two, bastardize it, and then pass it off as my own.

Case in point: tea

I was introduced to tea some time ago by my friend Thom. Thom was always up to something goofy. How many men do you know that a) own a sewing machine b) use that sewing machine and c) wear salmon colored pants? Perhaps I should rephrase. How many straight men do you know that do these things? Sorry Thom, we all thought you were a "shirt lifter"*1. (Making fun of friends on the blog is the only sure way to see if they are reading it) But long story short, Thom brought a lot of culture to 223 E. Central Ave. As it turns out, Thom isn't gay. He is just a highly functional metrosexual Montanan. I have him to thank for my foray into the hearty breadth of tea.

A couple of months back I was at Thom's apartment after playing some hockey, and feeling unbridled by my impending trip to Europe, I felt it was an appropriate platform to experiment with different ... teas. Thom dabbles heavily in traditional tea's while I would consider myself more of a neo-teaist. While good in their own right, I sampled nothing that made me want to run to the World Market and denounce my attraction to women. But that day was different. That was the day that "Cinnamon Spice and Orange Peel" entered my life.

(Begin side note)
The South Park episode "South Park is Gay" and the wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metro_sexual have gotten me intouch with my inner metro-sexual self. Since Europe, I now appreciate many things definitely considered taboo in Montana.

1. Scarfs - seriously, they keep you really warm!
2. Shoes that aren't tennis shoes - my slip-on Bass shoes are fabulous! (couldn't resist)
3. Classical music
4. Architecture
5. Tea - fucking love it, why do you think I wrote this blog? (End side note)

Anyways, CS&OP is absolutely amazing. As indicative of the name, there is a strong presence of cinnamon with a subtle splash of citrus-y orange. I left for Europe shortly thereafter but CS&OP continued to linger in my nostrils and as well as my heart.

Upon return, I contacted Thom and told him that I couldn't stop thinking about the tea I imbibed at his domicile. He told me that the bag in which the tea came was unmarked and came from Portland. Armed with the address and the Internet, I went to work.

Anyways, it took me several stops to different stores and a couple of phone calls to figure out that I would be unable to purchase this fine product locally. I would, however, be able to purchase the sweet leaf from the other World Market; "the Internet."

Here is the link if anyone is curious. It comes in both caffinated and decaffinated. As for me, I bought 2 pounds worth and my mother was kind enough to vaccuum pack them in individualized bags. It makes me feel like a drug dealer without the unfortunate byproducts such as a parole officer or hepatitis C. They offer quick shipping and I believe it is a husband and wife that run the joint (my receipt had a handwritten note thanking me for my purchase). In addition, you will have the peace of mind knowing that you are not funding corporate terrorism by purchasing from Starbucks!


*1. Shirt lifter is a derogartory English term for homosexual. I learned this dandy, as well as other cool sayings, from this English bloke/comedian, Jimmy Carr. He is fucking hilarious!

Warning! You may need a British interepter to understand the queen's English. Shout out to Mark Lodge for introducing me to him.