Friday, January 4, 2008

Hugh Grant, Jude Law and the price of tea in China.

Ugh. It's the kiss of death. Every time I put up a poll I end up picking the losing side. Mallard, my sister, and I were entranced in a heated debate. Cold mountain was the movie and the issue regarded who was the bigger "English twat/bitch," Jude Law or Hugh Grant. I felt this was a clear cut issue. Imagine this pro/con list playing out in my head while Mallard entered into a litanous (yes, not technically a word ... yet - derived from the root "litany") rage.

Pro (not a twat) - Hugh Grant
1. Has starred in a obsorbanently high number of chick flicks - Ordinarily, this would be considered a con but if you had to make 10 shitty chick-flick orientated movies to have sex with Elizabeth Hurley, you would. If you want to make an omelet, you're gonna have to break a couple of eggs.
2. Had sex with Elizabeth Hurley

Con (full fledged, 100% USDA grade A twat) - Jude Law
1. Was killed by Matt Damon's weird-ass character in "Talented Mr. Ripley." Come on Jude, man up. Everyone knows that Damon didn't summon ass-kicking abilities until Bourne Supremacy.
2. Broke his rib in a fight scene with Matt Damon in a tiny boat in "Talented Mr. Ripley"
3. Is a high school dropout.
4. Has smug smile. I don't like smug smiles.

Regardless, it's nice to see people voting even if, sadly, my feelings represent only the minority.

By now it should be pretty apparent that I am quite easily entertained. While I am obdurate in my sentiment, it is always nice to come across a new product or idea, obsess over it for a month or two, bastardize it, and then pass it off as my own.

Case in point: tea

I was introduced to tea some time ago by my friend Thom. Thom was always up to something goofy. How many men do you know that a) own a sewing machine b) use that sewing machine and c) wear salmon colored pants? Perhaps I should rephrase. How many straight men do you know that do these things? Sorry Thom, we all thought you were a "shirt lifter"*1. (Making fun of friends on the blog is the only sure way to see if they are reading it) But long story short, Thom brought a lot of culture to 223 E. Central Ave. As it turns out, Thom isn't gay. He is just a highly functional metrosexual Montanan. I have him to thank for my foray into the hearty breadth of tea.

A couple of months back I was at Thom's apartment after playing some hockey, and feeling unbridled by my impending trip to Europe, I felt it was an appropriate platform to experiment with different ... teas. Thom dabbles heavily in traditional tea's while I would consider myself more of a neo-teaist. While good in their own right, I sampled nothing that made me want to run to the World Market and denounce my attraction to women. But that day was different. That was the day that "Cinnamon Spice and Orange Peel" entered my life.

(Begin side note)
The South Park episode "South Park is Gay" and the wiki have gotten me intouch with my inner metro-sexual self. Since Europe, I now appreciate many things definitely considered taboo in Montana.

1. Scarfs - seriously, they keep you really warm!
2. Shoes that aren't tennis shoes - my slip-on Bass shoes are fabulous! (couldn't resist)
3. Classical music
4. Architecture
5. Tea - fucking love it, why do you think I wrote this blog? (End side note)

Anyways, CS&OP is absolutely amazing. As indicative of the name, there is a strong presence of cinnamon with a subtle splash of citrus-y orange. I left for Europe shortly thereafter but CS&OP continued to linger in my nostrils and as well as my heart.

Upon return, I contacted Thom and told him that I couldn't stop thinking about the tea I imbibed at his domicile. He told me that the bag in which the tea came was unmarked and came from Portland. Armed with the address and the Internet, I went to work.

Anyways, it took me several stops to different stores and a couple of phone calls to figure out that I would be unable to purchase this fine product locally. I would, however, be able to purchase the sweet leaf from the other World Market; "the Internet."

Here is the link if anyone is curious. It comes in both caffinated and decaffinated. As for me, I bought 2 pounds worth and my mother was kind enough to vaccuum pack them in individualized bags. It makes me feel like a drug dealer without the unfortunate byproducts such as a parole officer or hepatitis C. They offer quick shipping and I believe it is a husband and wife that run the joint (my receipt had a handwritten note thanking me for my purchase). In addition, you will have the peace of mind knowing that you are not funding corporate terrorism by purchasing from Starbucks!

*1. Shirt lifter is a derogartory English term for homosexual. I learned this dandy, as well as other cool sayings, from this English bloke/comedian, Jimmy Carr. He is fucking hilarious!

Warning! You may need a British interepter to understand the queen's English. Shout out to Mark Lodge for introducing me to him.


Kirk G. Thompson said...

Tea and Scarfs? English twats? Wow... this blog has come a long way since "Nail the Stewardessess."

Well, if this is the blog of the day, then I'll leave a message.

My parents were in Germany about the same time as you and Collete. They mentioned the scarfs, too. Well, I had no idea they were for the Metrosexual world. I guess I just remember scarfs on kids and in the winter story books read to us as kids (sorry, too many years in Arizona to remember true cold)... anyhow, I lived over in southwestern Germany for a three sememsters and I'll agree, scarfs work. (Though these So. Cal. winters are not condusive winter attire. And I'm sure as hell not going to take one to the summit of Whitney. Scarves seem so... casual. Not work attire or something you see at the summit of a 14'er.)

As for tea, I'm more of a coffee guy most days. I do keep 4 or 5 at home, though. For something really good, go for Republic of Chi's "Matte Latte". Else, thier "Wintery Blend" is a good kick (esp. if mixed with a Camomille tea).

But then, what is Tea? Do dried herbs and fruit qualify as tea? If so, then keep mixing it in my wine for that most delicious winter treat, Gluwien!

caitlin said...

Wow...had I only read this blog earlier. Jude Law is a bitch and I L-O-V-E LOVE Hugh Grant!

Anonymous said...

Maybe it should of been a 3 way race, Hugh Grant, Jude Law and G.Hohn...
wearing scarfs, drinking tea, and a admitted metro, whats next? A money pouch?

G's dad said...

OMG! He does have one of those!

Melissa said...

First off, g's pa, "OMG???" Oh my God.

Secondly, dearest Caitlin, just because you love Hugh Grant doesn't mean you can't agree he is the biggest English twat, I mean come on!

Finally, Garvo, is there any end to your self destructive addictions? How quickly you have forgotten your history. Need I remind you, Kettle Chips?

Garrett said...

A flurry of activity. I only wish anonymous would identify themselves. Scarfs are useful, I will stick to that to the end.

As for the tea, it is heavenly delicious. I recommend everyone try it!