Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Suicide Watch

Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes you just wish you were dead. That's where I was last night perched upon the couch with a beer and glassy eyes trying to make sense of what had just happened. I've been through a lot of OT games. I sat in a casino, drinking beer with Sean for the 5OT gem that was game 1 of the 2003 Western Conference Final's. If different when YOUR team isn't involved. You can actually watch the game for what it is; really intense hockey. You anus doesn't pucker up and you aren't nauseous. I guess what I am saying is that you probably wouldn't punch a hole through your television if the cable went out. It doesn't help that the Wings seem to blow it in OT. My only positive Red Wings playoff moments are these (If you want a trip down nostalgia lane view the clip and at 45 seconds Tag Team's "Whoop, There Is" is heard);

Which makes it so disappointing that they blew game 5. We were close, so close, to winning Sweet Lord Stanley's shiny chalice at home. Ordinarily a cup is a cup but I am concerned that times are becoming so tough in Michigan, that they might part out Joe Louis Arena for scrap metal.

I say "we" because I have been a rabid Wings fan since I was 12. In fact, I love hockey and the Wings so much I think about ways that other sports could improvement upon themselves and be more like hockey. If only basketball would allow player to hurl their bodies into other ball carriers in an effort to dislodge the ball, the sport would be much better. Still not watchable, but much better. I haven't missed a Wings playoff game since 2001 (too poor for TV at the time), though I missed the first 2 periods of game 2 vs. the Dallas Stars this year, and trust me, wasn't happy about it. I'm still looking for that extra step to show my dedication. Being not much of a tattoo kind of guy the only thing I have every thought about engraving on myself are the following; The winged wheel, "#19," the Captain's "C" on my upper pec, and last but not least "Mrs. Steve Yzerman." (before you assholes judge me with my Yzerman obsession, you should look into your own closets. I bet half of you are addicted to Asian porn or something. Ah shit, so am I! Nevermind.)

I thought I would post a message to all concerned parties that yes, I am still alive after the tragic 3 OT loss. It makes me wonder if one of my friends has started a life insurance policy on me and wondering if it was time to collect. One overtime turned into two and my condition worsened. Though last rights were administered not once but twice, I managed to pull through with the aid of an IV drip, a beer and the knowledge that we still have 2 cracks to win the cup clinching game. I was caught with razor blades in a back alley by the police but I told them that I was "researching a movie role" so they let me go! Zing! What kind of name is Tatum anyways?

The next time you see a photo of this nature it will be a European wearing the "C" hoisting the cup. Though us xenophobic American's won't feel as uncomfortable because Lidstrom's English is completely sans accent (seriously, if you have ever heard him talk you would swear he was born and raised USA - as opposed to those hard-to-understand backwoods Canadian types "well ah, I just dooon't know aboat thaat eh").

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