Saturday, August 25, 2007

Ghohn’s top 21 reasons why I am sad to leave the Aina’ (and why being on the mainland sucks)

21. Because only in Hawaii is board shorts and "slippahs" appropriate dining attire

20. Because inevitably some derelict will ask you on the mainland if you have met "DOG"

19. Nearly throwing my arm out of socket while playing dodge ball trying to make twelve year old boys cry all the while getting paid

18. Making twelve year old boys cry

17. Watching a NHL game on live TV in Hawaii at 6am makes you feel like you're in a different universe and that you are doing something borderline illegal

16. The price of gas (3.75 gal) is not a concern because I only filled up once a month

15. Beach volleyball/Hot tub sesh's

14. I feel cheated because the only celebrity, b-list at best, I saw the whole time I was living on Maui was Sean from "Boy Meets World."

13. I realize I am ATLEAST 600 miles away from wasabi ahi poke'

12. Making fun of sunburned tourists wearing rediculous aloha shirts w/ socks and sandals.

11. Making fun of walking 50 year old case studies that show why excessive and prolonged sun exposure is a bad, bad thing

10. Saying "ho brah'" to address white friends always gets a laugh

9. Annoying the shit out of Phil and Colette with my weak ass, and at times excessive, pidgin. "Ho brah' you like one beef dakine?"

8. Because "piece-of-shit car" isn't nearly as exotic sounding as "Maui Cruza"

7. Trying, and consequently failing miserably, to drop the word "dakine" in conversation without getting called out

6. Small Asian children are funny looking and make me laugh

5. I am "Uncle" to small children here

4. Because I know December through March are going to suck

3. Mac salad doesn't taste near as good anywhere else

2. Drinking beers whilst watching amazing Maui sunsets

And the number one reason is ......

1. Shamelessly eye-fucking-the-shit out of every 14 to 40 year old wearing a bikini! [waa-wah]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Quit bitching and go back then.