Thursday, March 13, 2008

People/places/actions/things that chap my ass

The more places I go and people I view the more I realize that it is inevitable we are going to find things about one another that are not so pleasant. For instance, as unglamorous as it sounds, I am a hardcore nose picker. Some people find it repulsive but to me there are few things finer than jamming your index finger into your nostril to extract that calcified chunk of whatever. Here is a comprehensive list of the best of the worst;

1. Loud eaters - this has to be most foul practice in the history of human behavior. Bananas, yogurt, potato chips have to be some of the worst. Have you had to sit through the spectacle that is watching someone make love to a banana. That crushed fruit flesh mixed in with copious amounts of saliva all the while being batted around by an over zealous tongue. All of this agony can be avoided if you just simply SHUT-YOUR-FUCKING-MOUTH! Oh, if your one of those people that lick your fingers and eating chicken wings, there is a special place in hell for you buddy!

2. Loud cell phone talkers - it's crazy the shit people pull in public places. A person will be talking to their friend on a bus at a reasonable volume and he answers a call on his/her phone and suddenly looses all control of the volume of his/her voice.

3. You're in a small car turning left and some douche-bag pulls up to the right of you to turn right. The big stink of the situation is that while his car is 18 feet tall and provides him excellent 360 degree surveillance of the state of Alaska, you can't see shit!

4. The "I'm gonna pass you on a dangerous 2 lane highway only to realize there is a string of 30 cars ahead of me" guy. HIghway 93 in Montana comes to mind. Enough said.

5. REM (the band if you can call it that) - I've never met an REM fan in all my travels yet they are in the Rock N' Roll hall of fame. Can anyone name more than 3 of their songs? There is the gloomy suicidal anthem "Everybody Hurts." I think it should be played in the street of Seattle in early February just to thin out the herd. Oh, and there is the rage inducing chorus of "Shiny Happy People." Remember how that one goes? Let me enlighten you.

"Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing"

6. The guy with the bass in his car that insists everyone within a half mile hears his music.

7. Non east-coast timzoners will appreciate this. When you are really looking forward to seeing a show only to have it on at a different time. 8/7 central my ass! Even Stephen Hawking couldn't figure out this mystery.

8. Extreme political correctness - So read this article
This chaps my ass to no end. Since when was this country founded on Muslim values? Since when did we start catering to the minority few? This makes about as much sense as me going to South Korea, walking to a bathhouse and requesting that everyone puts their clothes back on because "I feel uncomfortable." Should I ask them to set aside 4 hours for me and the other 6 people in the country that feel the same way? The problem with our country is that everyone thinks they are such a fucking special and unique snowflake.

"Holiday tree" instead of "Christmas tree." Here is one that I would like to reintroduce a personal reverse-PC phrase into everyday lexicon "fucking retarded" instead of "intellectually challenged"

9. Pretentious people

10. Celebrity jerk-off shows - Oprah does a lot of good things, don't get me wrong, but what really grinds my gears to no avail are the shows she does where she brings on some over-privileged actor or actress to talk about their life and how great they are.

Oprah to spoiled celebrity: "Oh my god, tell us about your latest movie I heard you took a pay cut to do this movie because you wanted to do something indie. You know something to show your incredible acting range. How on earth are you going to make do with 15 million, girlfriend?"

Why not make these people work like the rest of us (well not me currently)? Acting is simply a near worthless commodity. In the "hunter/gather", "when-shit-hits-the-fan," or "for the betterment of mankind," sense of the world, acting has to be the most worthless skill on the totem pole. Nothing would make me happier then seeing that dick head Tom Cruise working drive through at Wendy's. Unless you are Dicaprio, Depp or maybe 3 others, you're replaceable. If you forgot about how much of an asshole Tom Cruise is, here are some tantrums for your viewing pleasure.

By the way, "Cocktail" sucked Tom.

11. People who think "free" health care is "free" - Seriously! Who's going to pay for this shit? You and me. Forgive me if I don't want to chip in for some 500 pound whale that can't push away from the feed bowl. How about the lifelong smoker? How is that my responsibly? What happened to personal responsibility in this country? Oh, that was ushered out when our society turned into a litagous finger-pointing society. For your brain enrichment;

These are the kind of people we will be dealing with. No matter what political party you align yourself with, we can all pretty much agree that the only thing our government does well is start unpopular wars. When was the last time you filed your taxes, also a federal enterprise, and thought, you know all these rules and stipulations make a lot of sense. "Or how about my personal credo, "Yeah, I really think I got a lot for the 10,000 dollars I handed over last year." National medicine will be no different. If I wanted to surrender 50% of my wage and have some nurse wipe my ass whenever I didn't feel like doing so, I'd move to Germany. Socialized medicine would collapse under the weight of this countries obesity epidemic. Pun intended.

12. The excrement catapult that is "American Idol" and the massively nonsensical subjectivity of its apparent judges - Ugh. Whatever happened to a band working hard for years and years pedaling albums out of the back of a van. Then after several marriages, the loss of an original band member, sleeping with that band member's widow, and countless chemical dependency problems later, they strike it big. The Grateful Dead, while I am not a huge fan of them, were a band for 22 years before they achieve their first, and subsequent only, top 10 hit with "Touch of Grey." No gaurenteed record deal after winning a 3 month singing competition. People followed them all over the country for years. If you've ever seen pictures of "The Dead" clearly you know they aren't heart throbs and what people came to hear was the music. What I am saying is everything that is churned out on American Idol is fluff and sans substance.

While you have to admire the train wreck that is Simon lambasting an unsuspecting contestant, it's about the only part of the show worth watching. Simply stated, Paula's an idiot and Randy is fiercely clinging to his street cred of yesteryear. As if he would ever let us forget that he played bass in Journey.

Contestant: "I just thought I would try a little something different this week. My dad died 3 days ago and his favorite song was "Respect" by Aretha Franklin and (Randy swiftly interrupts)..."

Randy: "Yo Dawg, that reminds me a lot of the time I played bass in Journey and ... (insert a string of garbage here)

I've got another beef with Randy "Yo Dawg" Jackson. Nickelback, while definitely not my favorite band in the world, is a hard working Canadian band that carved themselves out a non-genre specific niche. Jackson, who now apparently moon-lights as a beauty pageant judge, was recently quoted as saying (in reference to Nickelback's lead singer Chad Kroeger) "I swear that guy is like 45 years old and ugly as sin." The irony of this situation is that Jackson is 51 and just so happens to be "ugly as sin." I don't think there is a better situation in which the English idiom "the pot calling the kettle black" applies.

Not all is lost though. I've created an "American Idol" drinking game (patent pending). Every time you hear the words or phrase, you take a drink and/or shot;

1. "yo dawg"
2. "wasn't your best performance"
3. "it was a little pitchy"
4. Anytime Simon says "karaoke"
5. "that was horrendous"
6. "I just wasn't feelin' it"

If you make it through a whole show without alcohol poisening, you know people run marathons in less time than a typical AI show, you win. Please use this blog as a therapeutic spring board and comment about what chaps your ass.


Colette Reid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Colette Reid said...

wow. that was a lot to take in. first and foremost...your nose picking face is the best part of your gross habit (your whole mouth opens like a woman putting mascara on). second off...this entire blog was completely judgmental - don't get me wrong, it was funny, but also full of judgments. third off...just so you know, in the position i am in right now, if i didn't have parents with health insurance that would support me, i would be screwed. without health insurance, your girlfriend is broke. not to mention my brother. just because you have a clean bill of health doesn't mean we shouldn't take care of our neighbors. i don't think health insurance should be a requirement but certainly offered. fourth...try putting yourself in someone else's shoes. fifth...i couldn't agree more with your thoughts on tom cruise. and finally...don't knock american idol. you would take the chance if you were them...and simon is hilarious, and if i were you i would add on your drinking game "brilliant." simon always says that. oh and i love you, don't take some of the comments personally!

Garrett Hohn said...

What if my neighbors are fucking morons (smoke, drink, weigh 600 pounds)? Do I still have to take care of them? That's what makes this country great (or at least decent).

I don't tell people what to eat, drink or smoke (nor do I have the right). So why does someone have the right to tell me I have to pay for there poor decisions?

Colette Reid said...

well someone is telling you that you have to pay for a does that sound? i would rather pay for someones health now then the after shocks of what those men are going to go through...

Colette Reid said...

excuse and women

Garrett Hohn said...

I didn't ask for a war! In fact, I'm not sure Bush asked anyone before he declared war!

Pa! said...

This is the 2nd paragraph from the The Declaration of Independence (Congress, July 4, 1776)
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pusuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.
According to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Liberty, in modern time, is generally considered a concept of political philosophy and identifies the condition in which an individual has the ability to act according to his or her own will.
So Thomas Jefferson & my Creator gave me the above Rights and a certain some (C) one above thinks that the government through threat of imprisonment should be able to tax my labor to give to some one else.

Pa! said...

I was just told that your initials are CFR it's all coming clear now comrad::::
The "Council on Foreign Relations"
Members to this org. are not very fond of the U.S. Constitution

Melissa said...

I noticed how you conviently left out your gross habit of milking black heads to ungodly lengths and then proudly displaying them on the mirror for all to admire.

Correction: The squishy noises one makes while eating a banana does not go away when their mouth is closed. I assure you, it is just as vile. Crunchy stuff is fine with me though. Or perhaps it's just the lesser evil.

Indeed, Tom Cruise is a tool and his delivery is awful and uncomfortable, but sadly, I must confess, I agree with a couple of points on the second video. I feel dirty...

"Socialized medicine would collapse under the weight of this countries obesity epidemic." Well done sir. You are newly dubbed: King of Puns.

Ahahaha, you have to be kidding me!? American Idol producing "fluff and sans substance??!"
Ok, Mr. "Before He Cheats"!!!! Oh my God, I can hear you singing "Since You've Been Gone" in the shower at the top of your lungs from here!

Isn't health coverage ALWAYS offered? Can't I go out right now and get a health coverage plan on my own? People that are self-employed to it all the time. It would probably cost $500 a month but you'd be paying that, at least that, anyway mandatorily with "free" health care.

To Mrs. Obama (Colette that is!), a question to ya cuz I have no idea, in his plan, you can opt not to RECIEVE the coverage but can I say when I fill out the W2, please DO NOT TAKE OUT TAXES for health care as I wish not to recieve national health care? Or I would have to pay them anyway and then on top of it pay out right when I go to a homeopathic doctor for what ails me? That's what terrifies me.

Colette Reid said...

Dearest Hohn family,
I know you are all up in arms with me supporting health care, but guess what...I don't support the war, but that is where my taxes are going. Check this site out...
I would much rather put my taxes in the Human Resources part the of the pie chart if I had a choice, where education and nutrition are listed. But guess what...we don't have a choice. That is the fact. Our military sucks up so much of our money. It is a part of my moral standard to want to help out those who are in need of medicine and education than those who are in need to fight a war that is not ours to fight. AGAIN...I NEED INSURANCE AND I AM UNEMPLOYED. I live with something that is out of my control. Some people have control over their weight, smoking habits, etc. but there are plenty in this world who don't have control over their TYPE 1 diabetes, thyroid, cancer, aides, Parkinson's, bipolar, Schizophrenia, the list goes on. With our economy it is harder and harder to get a job, and you need money to go and get a insurance plan.

Pa! said...

Colette, You make a point I agree with in that you shouldn't have to fund a war you don't agree with.
(As we were not attacked by Iraq)
Also we entered into it against the way the constitution allows.
But I strongly disagree with this statement:"But guess what...we don't have a choice." By your willingness to utter the above words you empower the gov. to take more. The word Apathy comes to mind
On a lighter note, sell your car buy a truck/van and I can get you a job tomorrow. I can also find you cheap housing and put you on the path to self reliance. (medical included).

Colette Reid said...

Oh Jeff...when I wrote that, I knew exactly what you were going to say in return. You can call it apathy or being a realist.
So this medical...are you going to pay for me? I don't think that would be a good idea! I cost a lot :)
Oh I love discussing with you!!!

Pa! said...

My dear sweet girl,
"So this medical...are you going to pay for me?"
No, I offered to learn you to become self reliant.I am offering this at my own free will as it is also my moral standard to want to help out those in need.
Perhaps you should look up the definition of self reliance.
Or consider the following words.
Self-reliance was the hallmark of the American people for most of this country's history. Our forefathers had to have very high self-reliance skills or we would not be here today. Only in the last few decades have we slipped into the complacent position of letting someone else take care of us. From government agencies like the USDA and FEMA to private organizations like the AAA, many of us have been lead down the primrose path of expecting others to take care of us and even do our thinking.
PS: give a girl a fish and she eats for a day.
Teach a girl to fish and she eats for a life time.
I liken a mind to an umbrella neither works effectively unless completely opened.

Pa! said...

To the OP (G's blog) sorry we hijacked your thread.

Melissa said...

To Colette-

I'm not a Hohn anymore and I am still wondering about my question!!:)

Colette Reid said...

Jeff...think of this:
What if you were to have a severely autistic kid, who is type 1 diabetic and also was blessed with testicular cancer? You think that is far fetched...well it is not, my neighbor has all three of them. How are you going to be self-reliant? He gets government money and help, if this did not occur we would be spending 10 times the money to maintain him for the rest of his life as his parents life would be dramatically shortened. You all are lucky that you can be self-reliant. I think it is wonderful to teach self-reliance, however not everyone is fortunate enough to make it that way.

"To some much is given, of others much is expected." For example, a man who has been given sight much has been given to him, for him who is blind, much is expected.

I am pretty sure your son has AAA and applied not once but twice for that self reliance?

How about opening your umbrella to my ideas and the life I have to lead. I want to pay in, in order to get better hospitals, better care and better treatment. Hospitals would not be competing as much if they were given the same equipment.

Also...I know you think I am against the Declaration of Independence for some reason, however, I will let you know that I am a certified decedent of a signer. Look on the back of your two dollar bill and you will see a man in the middle of three men on the left of the bill, his name is George Clymer, my ancestor. I don't go against the declaration of Independence or the constitution, which was signed by him.

Remember...I love you all and the friendly debate!

Garrett Hohn said...

"Melissa" -
You need an avatar. I'm leaning towards Jamie Pressly's character in Joe Dirt!

Garrett Hohn said...

Colette - you said this
"What if you were to have a severely autistic kid, who is type 1 diabetic and also was blessed with testicular cancer?"

This reminds me of a joke I once heard. (clears throat) What do you give a kid that is deaf, dumb and blind for Christmas?

Colette Reid said...

Sorry Mrs. Miles, I guess I forgot to answer your questions. Of course you can not opt out of taxes because if so I would opt out on a lot of things...war! However, most of your taxes are going to things that you do not capitalize on, so why is health care such a big deal?
Do you have insurance? If you understand that insurance works on the idea that some people are getting what they are paying for and others are just covering their asses "just in case" something happens. Thats how insurance works. I hope I answered your question!

Garrett Hohn said...

Unemployment is an insurance. I had to work 26 weeks in order to collect. I am paying for me. No one else is paying for me.

AAA is a private service. You pay 100 dollars a year and, if you need to use it, you can use it. Again, no one is paying for me.

Whom I believe we should be more worried about are the illegal immigrants. These people work in this country illegally, don't pay taxes on these aforementioned wages, but are some how afforded Social Security benefits?

Pa! said...

This battle with C will continue under the radar in a private message format.......As I have been verbally reprimanded by the blog author.

Melissa said...

To Colette-sun:

Once again let us refer to the ol' Constitution as to why I have a problem with national health care.

As stated in the Constitution, you have a direct tax and an indirect tax.

Direct taxes are those that tax on somethings mere existence. Like property. It is taxed because it exists.

Indirect tax can be bypassed however. Gasoline has an indirect tax. I can choose not to pay this tax by riding a bicycle instead.

So my question to you was, is national health care going to be a direct or indirect tax? (As I choose not to receive it) Or will Obama's plan be just as mandatory as Hillary's?

All this debating inspired me to look up RP's plan for health care seeing as he himself is a doctor. It's really quite simple! So for that I thank you!:)

Oh yeah, Garvo you left out your gross habit of NOT showering!

Kirk said...

I've been jumping at the bit to get into this newest release of the G-Blog... just too damn busy with 14 hour days, lately.

First: "This is Judgemental" GREAT. More people should make up thier minds and stay true to thier opinions and beliefs. So many people that lack confidence thier thier own thoughts. So many sheeple waiting to blend into the heard. We are all free to make a choice. For those that are the bible-kind-a-folks, that is the only gaurantee that that religion makes: freedome of choice. A founding principle of this nation.

SECOND: Nationalized Health Care -- we already have it! And that is proof enough for ALL to say that when things are left to the governement.. they are usually mismanaged (this is the strength of the 10th Ammendment).

EVER HEAR OF VA Hospitals? That is National Health Card at its finest. We have a protion of out population that work for the country, surrender thier lives for the country, and pay taxes... yet do we see the way they are taken care of? I've never met a soldier that says they preffer the VA doc over the private doctors.

As for Autism and taking care of neighbors... if your local community group wishes to help out, they definately may. Ask your churches, raise funds. DON"T RAISE TAXES. The closer to the community level a program can be, thr more responsible people are likely to be.


Tom Cruise: odd person. I respect the man for his convictions and for using his position to do what he can for his 'odd' community. Not a violent guy, and anyone who doesn't like him can change the channel. I definately change the channel. Wierd guy.

American Idol: I have never watched it. Total waste of time. Reminds me of a movie called IDIOCRACY (which I recommend!). I've seen bits and pieces of American Idol (total of about 5 minutes in the past... how many years?) -- and the only one I liked was that British Version where they found some guy that really had a voice for opera.

Anytime someone talks about the program, I generally walk away for something better to do. Although I think that brit critic's comments are funny as F__K! Really! His simple, brut, lambast that can level or raise a contestants spirits. His opinion is the only one people care about. That is a mark of a leader... but wow, what a group to lead!


Picking noses: I love to see that in the cars driving along. I like to bet miyself if they are wipers or eaters!

Congress is the only section of the governemnet that can declare war. They never have. Yet they fund the 'war'. They are more culpable than the president for our men and women being over there. The president at least has 90 days of power over the military for such purposes.

Personally, I'm VERY interested in this weeks Supreme Court decision on the Second Ammendment.

So, what really chaps my hide?
Damn. Lunch break is over.

More to come.

Colette Reid said...

Kirk you are a pleasure to listen to/read. I know you don't like American Idol but I think Simon is sexy. I hate to admit it but the way he says everything straight and tells the honest truth every time is is a definite turn on...I know that is very weird.

To everyone...great debating. I love the G's "things that chap his ass" turned into a political debate...

Melissa...I couldn't agree with you more on G's disgusting habit of picking his black heads...more importantly picking at mine when I don't want him to...he thinks I have a field of black heads on my nose that I just don't see and so he will pick and pick at me and it drives me crazy!!! has been a pleasure! :)

Garrett Hohn said...

As per usual, Kirk spouts forth yet another articulate and poignant comment.

Yep, it's my opinion. As long as they haven't allowed free speak (they haven't yet, right?) I will be entitled to my 2 cents worth.

You're right. If you want to give to a charity, you should be allowed. You shouldn't be forced via the long arm of the government.

By the way Kirk, my parents said, and I quote "we don't know Kirk but you can tell that guy anytime he needs a place to stay, he will always have a place to stay at the Hohn ranch." It seems that your political views parallel theirs to a T. Less governement interaction is better. But the million dollar question Kirk is, if you are working 14 hours a day how free are you!?!?!

Just not wanting to see "the man" keeping "a brotha" down. Hope you're doing well homeboy.


Kirk said...

Great! Another place to couch surf! I've only passed thorough a corner of Montana (near Yellowstone). The Arizonian in me has always appreciated the sister state of Montana as the last homes of sanity. Sadly, Arizona is infected with too many californians, now, and I feel the state is terminally ill with the Cali-infection. Well, there's always Montana and Alaska.

Kevin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kevin said...

ok, this doesn't fit with your massive debate, but here's my addition to the list:

girls who go to the gym to parade around in front of a bunch of juiced-up meat-heads. these guys are just trying to improve their physical condition in an honest, hard-working manner. they don't need some 16-year-old in tight pants doing standing curls while they sit and pump iron.

Garrett Hohn said...

Kevin - Actually I appreciate you bringing this blog back on track.

You forget to mention that the clothing they choose to don that clings so gingerly among their supple buttocks usually renders some asinine saying such as "Juicy" or "Sassy."

But seriously, the gym is a sub-culture. You've got a little of everything. At least the girls you speak of work out. Back in college (yeah, I'm past my prime so what) girls would slather on make up and just WALK around the gym. No weights, no running. Very silly indeed.

Lest us not forget "uber beef-cake." This guy can't walk through a garage door without turning sideways because he has convinced himself that his lats are just that big.

There is also the Monica Seles style-grunter. He snorts and grunts on every lift. Some may mistaken it for some sort of ritualistic mating call. In any event, I'd advise not to make eye contact. He might see the "Juicy" word strewn across your ass Kevin and get some ideas!

Kirk said...

People/places/actions/things that chap my ass:

People who say the following:
Feb U ary. Where the hell did the R go?
Suposably. Just what is suposably? Supposedly?
Warsh. There is no R in WASH.
Just writing this gets me riled up.

Thieft. Oh… what I would do if I caught someone who stole from me. Congress… that includes you, too. Fl*&% two bit hoodlums.

The conversation that follows this question:
“Hey honey, where do you want to go for dinner? / what do you want for dinner?”
The 5 minute path of indecisiveness, compromise, and petty bickering that follows, with an ability to become an “argument” makes me want to run up to the couple and bitch slap them both.

Slow drivers in the left lane. Not that I’m a speeder… but for fuck’s sake, drive right (and to the right!).

Whoa… that brought me to police that don’t know how to drive. God how I would like to follow them to their next stop and tell them to be responsible examples of the law they are paid to enforce! Try telling your 15.5 yr old little step-brother why police don’t have to follow the rules, but pull you over for doing what they just did. Simple conversation, but wrong. “Sorry brother. Police are just bullies left over from 5th grade that don’t feel they need to live by the rules. Yes, it is wrong. Yes, they should get a ticket. Yes, we should do something about it.” Then go into how you live in a community and that if you mess with them, they will mess with you. “Life is just like grade school… so get used to it and find what you want to do with your own life, and try to make others see the light of the right. But know that life is not fair, and that’s that. But it is not an excuse for us to do the wrong thing. Live by example. Be your own man. And don’t let others be an excuse for you. Oh, and by the way, the law is not always right.” [start next conversation of why it is sometimes illegal, but RIGHT, to run a stop sign… e.g. on an icy upward hill, traffic behind you, if you stop, you’re 99% certain to slide backwards, you are in the middle of no-where and there is a clear view of the non-existent oncoming traffic, so don’t cause an accident and keep moving and don’t slide backwards… and when you get home, get some proper tires, chains, and an engine that can handle that hill… or don’t go up it again in such conditions.]

Damn, that conversation pissed me off. I hate being powerless… let me rephrase that. I hate having to submit my will to inconsiderate public servants that are ignoring their duty… arghhh.

Child molesters. I think we can all agree to that being people that chap our collective asses.

OC Princesses. Those damn, brainless beautiful boobs that grace the coast of southern California – Orange County Princesses. They had help to get through high school, don’t know the world is round, and believe that everyone should buy them dinner, drinks, cars, and jewelry just because of their hot bodies… wow do I really have something against that culture of entitlement. Just think Paris Hilton, Desperate Housewives, Laguna Beach, The Real OC, etc. -- By the way, I live just ten miles from Desperate Housewives actual town, and work in that town. I see them in the local caf├ęs and restaurants. These people actually breed and have little girls that they teach their ways too. Then they go party with their 19 year old daughter princesses! The ones in their mid twenties are the worst, though. Talking to them is like talking to a spoiled 10 year old. Bright enough to speak words, but that’s about all.

That brings up “purse dogs.” You know, those creatures like Chihuahuas and smaller. Imagine… just 5000 years ago, that dog had the soul of a wolf. It is a crime.

Here’s one for y’all. What is the proper punishment for such a creature?
A paraplegic San Francisco city supervisor has promised to sue the city after her colleagues on Tuesday rejected plans to build a $1.1 million wheelchair ramp to the historic podium used by the Board of Supervisors president. A podium that that he doesn’t even use because he wants to see the people at eye level. She says she doesn’t have to mind balancing the budget between 1.1 million in books for the schools vs. her ramp – or ramps for several dozen intersections over the city.

And I’m right there with you on those LOUD EATERS. Annoying as F(*&.

Sue-happy Californians. ‘nuf said.

On a lighter note, here’s a couple things about me:

Five Foods of Satan:
1) Macaroni and Cheese (from a box). Looks the same going in as up or out!
2) Hot dogs. (actually. All pig left overs… bologna, pork rinds, ears, snout, feet, etc.)
The top of the list is when people get fancy on their dinner and combine hot dogs in their boxed Mac-n-Cheze.
3) Ranch Dressing. Almost hurled typing it.
4) Miller beer. (is it really beer? Or more of a malt flavored barley pop?)
5) Popcorn. (I’m just weird that way.)

And three foods I will not eat… unless it is a matter of survival… and even then it might take a bit:
a) human flesh
b) screaming monkey brains
c) Rocky Mountain Oysters. One of my buddies got suckered into eating ‘em. He thought they said beef “nuggets”.

Things I like? Those awesome budwiser ads. "Real Men of Genius" Cracks me up.

Garrett Hohn said...

Hey Kirk, don't hold back. Let it all out buddy :)

Yeah, laws and incompetence is annoying. Not a big fan of the bully badge that most pigs carry around either. I think Sarah Silverman puts it best on her show:

Cop brother-in-law: "Do you know why I became a cop?"

Silverman: "Because you got all C's in High School?"

Which brings us to TSA. Judging by the looks of most of them, the only thing I would trust these guys with finding are twinkies at a 7-11.

For years cops abuses of power were kept neatly under wraps. It was your word versus Mr. Officer. If the cop didn't like your tone, then you were on the business end of a beat down w/ a resisting arrest charge to boot. With the proliferation of video technology, we can surf endless hours at Youtube and enjoy the abuse of seemingly arbitrary powers being extorted by some power monger.

How far do you think this kid would have got approaching the chief if he hadn't capture this video? That is assuming his head hadn't been crushed into the pavement first.

"Real Men of Genius" commercials are brilliant. On the subject of beer commercials my father and I were talking about how classic the one Eric Clapton was. EC plays a sold out stadium then walks over to a small bar and keeps rocking.

You're top 3 foul foods happen to be my father's top 3 favorite! I'd have to disagree with you on the ranch thing though. I could drink the stuff and often do!

Pa! said...

I have to defend this:
2) Hot dogs. (actually. All pig left overs… bologna, pork rinds, ears, snout, feet, etc.)
Look at it as a wise use of a resource. And you owe it to the critter that was killed so you could eat.
& c) Rocky Mountain Oysters
When ma & I attended the "Testicle Festival" east of Missoula she was more sqeemish than I (figure that one out)
Yeah sure they were a little chewy,
but if or when things get ugly it will make the eating of bugs & worms a little easier.
So toughen up Kirk, get over the Homophobe thing, go out and have a ball.

Kirk said...

Not a phobia or anything. More of a dislike of left-over parts of animals. I'm looking forward -- oddly -- to haggis, though. Come on, Ground up leftovers stuffed in intestines?
I've an odd attraction to wierd food! I grew up in a Thai family, so I've had my fair share of the wierd. Ever hear of Andrew Zimmerman's show where he traveles the wold eating the local cuisine? I would love to do that. There has only bee one thing that looked really wierd... putrified animal fat and corners of rotted flesh mixed with eggs. Even he nearly vomitted.

The television show "Fear Factor" set some new heights/lows, too. Camel hump? No problem. Moose tit? Hand it over! Roasted sheep eyeballs? yummy. Toungue? Sure! But Antelope Rectum? Ahhhh.... Wow. Is that really a food or local cuisine? or just a Dare?

Some things are really just leftovers.

And as for Rocky Mountain oysters, well, they really are a local cuisine and a good source of something that might be good for you. (This is reminding me of Pulp Fiction's famous scene.) I wouldn't care if it tastes like pumpkin pie! Just one of my odd points and dislikes. Like hot dogs. or Mac and cheese from a box. And Ranch dressing. Yuck.