Friday, March 30, 2007

NHL up / NASCAR down

Again April is upon us and the perennial blindness continues to linger. Betwixt the clusterfucked orgy of March Madness, NBA playoffs and that painful 7 month battle of attrition affectionately referred to as Major League Baseball, lays a largely ignored NHL playoff run. While this isn't exactly headline news, I am still completely baffled as to its overlooked status. Apparently N.A.S.C.A.R (it physically pains me to capitalize those letters – traditionally capitalizations have been reserved for nouns of importance) is rapidly gaining popularity in the south. Obesity is also garnering tremendous support but you won't hear about anyone doing so much as lifting a fat finger to squelch that monster. NASCAR stands for "National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing" for those of you that don't know. Its more appropriate nomenclature should be "Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks." Word around the campfire is that NASCAR will supersede NHL as the 4th major sport in North America. Hockey combines speed, grace and violence that everyone craves without the 60 point IQ restriction that NASCAR has. Now I have got to ask followers of NASCAR, what the hell is so entertaining about your "sport?" From what I have seen and what people in the know have told me is that drivers drive around an oval track at 200mph making left hand turns along the way. All the while drunken, overweight idiots eat cornuts and amass in the tens of thousand to cheer on cars with numbers on them. Somewhere sprinkled amidst the testosterone laden grunting, gluttony, and incestuous relations between underage cousins, spoken word can be heard about that "ole Camero I-rocZ" and "if only Dale were here." Is this really what this country sees as entertaining?

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