Ghohn's top 20 reason's why I'm stoked to be on the mainland

20. Won't feel like god hates me anymore because he didn't answer my snow request prayers while I was on Maui.

19. No more fart-like cane burning stench

18. Never again having to be the victim of the small print "not available in Hawaii or Alaska"

17. Have yet to encounter in Montana that nasty sweat/seaweed/homeless person/garbage stench that accompanies heavy wind and low tide

16. It has never been hot enough for me to sweat while supervising other people exercising

15. The adrenaline rush from driving over 45mph nearly made my head explode

14. Not having to stop every eight and a half feet to let another fat, sunburned tourist cross the road

13. Never have to be referred as "haole bitch" again

12. It's nice to remember what "cold" feels like

11. Because being a minority sucks (I feel like I owe an apology to several different races. [Insert your "I told you so's] here)

10. Because weather.com is an amazingly useful resource anywhere besides Hawaii

9. If you call someone on the mainland and you are having a shitty day the first thing out of their mouth is, "but you live in paradise …"

8. Two words: Ice Hockey bitches

7. Being able to afford to start eating bread, milk, and cheese again.

6. My parents will never hear the word's "your son has been found dead in a cane field"

5. Being able to afford to drink at a bar outside the hours of 3 – 6 pm.

4. Slowly building up self esteem lost because large Somoan women make me feel like less of a man

3. Getting beat down by group of Amish is never a concern in Montana, getting beat down by groups of brown men in Hawaii is always a concern

2. Because you will never see something as ridiculous as "humuhumunukunukuapuaa" on a menu

And the number one reason is ................

1. It's nice not having a sweat ring on the car seat where my balls only rested moments before [rimshot]