Crazy ass white people

I'm not sure John L. Sullivan's proclamation was meant to extend to the small pacific islands known as Hawaii when he penned the "manifest destiny" document back in 1839. Seriously, we (us, you, me, them) has/have wronged a plethora of people from our east-to-west quest for more land and natural resources to exploit. I think we can all agree that that giant incestuous breeding ground affectionately referred to as "Texas" was a bad idea. Even though I personally wasn't consulted, we continued to wrong people/places on our westward march. The Japanese-American interment camps, any superfund sight, and let's of course not forget the Native Americas, as if they would ever let you forget about the diseased blankets. But come on, the Native Americans are easy fodder. They invented both the hammock and alcoholism. Not to be outdone by their third, and subsequently last contribution to society, an unrelenting sense of racial entitlement. Seriously, sorry about the blankets, sorry about the land, sorry about "Windtalkers" (although technically Nicholas Cage wronged you guys because he couldn't "act" himself out of a wet paper sack, he does, however, offend us Caucasian folk too, so I believe we are even on that one) but for fuck's sake ... GET A JOB!

But I digress. There is a different feeling while living on an island. I not sure the European explorers took that into account when they infiltrated the Hawaiian Islands. The pseudo intellectual types will tell you, "yeah dumbass, you live on an island of course it's different." While agree with that statement to some degree, I also firmly believe that it is something you must feel. The six day drunken retreat that the nuclear family types call a vacation doesn't qualify. Instead, it all starts with your mind. They 6 hour plane ride over a vast ocean when you know you are MOVING to an island that is only 60% the size of Rhode Island. The 10 mile radius I spend 95% of my time. In fact, the 22 mile drive to Lahiana feels like an epic road trip complete with rest stops and potty breaks. Context is everything.

I have to give mad street cred to the Hawiian's though. They want you here just about as much as you want herpes on your cock. Unlike herpes, tourists pay for their food, rent and surfboards. I'm not teaching next year simply because I want your money too. They are very nice and will continue to be nice because there is money in it. As soon as the money is gone then bye bye "aloha spirit"

I have been threatened to have my ass kicked in the 9 months I have been here more then any other part of my life. My demeanor has not changed. I am still the ego-maniacal self absorbed crass prick that you have all grown to love. Yet, it seems that fellow transplanted white folk sometimes don't understand me here. I have been tossed out of a liquor store, threatened to have my ass kicked for accidentally stepping on some guys towel at a hot tub, and had a 12 year-old girl threaten to have her father come in and beat on me. I try to take it all in stride though. I think the liquor store guy was made because he realized he is a loser and works at a liquor store. The guy at the hot tub was simply jealous because I had a 3 entrée Panda Express plate in hand. And the 12 year old? Hell, she is 12 years old. Who knows?

I'm not Hawaiian, nor do I pretend to be but it doesn't mean that I don't deal with my share of island bullshit. Every morning I try to come up with a good reason why I shouldn't lodge a shell snuggly in my brain before being tortured through another work week. The tragedy of the situation is I think of several reasons why I should yet can't afford a gun so make that plan come to fruition. Imagine the back and fourth debate that was going on inside my huge melon, yet peanut sized brain. Make decent money teaching, attending mandatory after school meetings, dealing devil spawn children with complex mental and emotional issues or make comparable money passing out towels, spritzing celebrities and indulging in every opportunity to undress supple underage girls behind my tinted sunglasses. You figure it out.